Andrew Daniller

The Thin Line Between Satire And Reality

andrew — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 18:46:48 +0000

I’ve been waiting all day to be able to post something similar to the following, knowing it would appear sooner or later if only I were patient. TPM Election Central delivers the goods:

The McCain campaign is road-testing a new argument in responding to Obama’s criticism of his number-of-houses gaffe, an approach the McCain camp has never tried before: The houses gaffe doesn’t matter because … he was a POW!

“This is a guy who lived in one house for five and a half years — in prison,” spokesman Brian Rogers told the Washington Post.

I’d take credit for having predicted this in my earlier post, but that would be like taking credit for correctly predicting the rising of the sun this morning. John McCain’s presidential campaign is nothing more than a pathetic punchline.

All I’m Saying Is That I Think I Own Zero Houses, But For All I Know, Maybe I Bought A Few And Forgot About Them

andrew — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 15:06:37 +0000

Oh, sure, it’s easy to pretend John McCain doesn’t know how many houses he owns. But as we all know, John McCain does not speak for John McCain. Obviously, John McCain does know how many houses he owns and simply was not speaking for himself when he said he does not know how many houses he owns.

Anyway, John McCain might not know how many houses he owns, but John McCain was a prisoner of war. End of discussion.

My Baseball Team Sucks Watch

andrew — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 13:50:39 +0000

In case you have not been paying attention- or, in other words, in case you are much, much smarter than me- the Nats have now dropped 12 in a row.

Tuesday’s loss guaranteed a losing record on the season even with 36 games left to be played. Today, with 35 games remaining, the Nationals positively command the cellar of the NL East by virtue of having fallen a full 12 games behind fourth-place Atlanta. They stand 4.5 games worse than San Diego to hold the worst record in the National League and 2.5 games below Seattle for the worst record in baseball. To finish with fewer than 100 losses, the Nationals would need to post a 19-16 record over the remainder of the season, a .543 winning percentage (compared to their current .346).

I can’t wait to select and then not sign the top pick in the 2009 draft.

UPDATE: And Ryan Zimmerman is turning into Joe Morgan.

Our Stereotypes Are Breaking Down For All The Wrong Reasons

andrew — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 21:18:54 +0000

Old men aren’t supposed to understand how to make gadgets work, but they’re supposed to love tinkering with them all the same. What kind of old man doesn’t like to tinker with gadgets? John McCain, apparently:

The AP has released a “pre-convention package” with lists of “25 Things About Obama” and “25 Things About McCain.” Number two on the McCain list is a tidbit from Cindy McCain: Her husband gets annoyed by her interest in technology. Via Politico’s Playbook:

His wife says her obsession with electronic gadgets and technology is one of his pet peeves.

How can the Democrats successfully convince America that John McCain is a crotchety old man when he’s too crotchety to meet America’s crotchety old man expectations?

Understanding Elitists

andrew — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 16:37:11 +0000

Elitists shop at farmers’ markets where they talk to stay-at-home mothers, car salesmen, and bakers of homemade biscuits.

Real people shop at grocery stores and stand by helplessly as applesauce pours from the shelves.

More Fun With Headlines

andrew — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 14:04:24 +0000

Yeah, well, if I wrote anything serious about the VP speculation, I’d have trouble respecting myself later. I mean, everyone is flipping out this morning because Obama said “he” instead of “he or she”. I’ll stick to easy jokes about headlines, thank you very much.

And in that vein: The New York Times says Kathleen Sebelius is Alanis Morissette.

“Surprise!”

andrew — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 20:14:56 +0000

This Politico headline cracks me up: McCain weighs a Lieberman surprise Who, precisely, would be surprised by John McCain selecting Joe Lieberman as his running mate? I guess people who aren’t paying any attention whatsoever to the campaign might not have seen it coming. Maybe. It’s certainly no Phil’s mother shouting, “Surprise!” as she walks into his bedroom [...]

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Are They Really Uncertain Of The Reaction?

andrew — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 14:15:17 +0000

Please please PLEASE let it be Lieberman:

Rich Lowry of the National Review reports that the campaign of Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., “has been calling key state GOP officials around the country the last couple of days and sounding them out about the consequences of a pro-choice VP pick. The campaign is asking about the reaction of conservative grass-roots activists to such a pick and whether a pro-choicer can be sold to them.”

Hell, even if it’s Ridge, who might make things tougher in Pennsylvania, it’ll be totally worth it to see the conservatives implode. I’m pretty sure a pro-choice VP would lead to an immediate floor fight at the convention followed by a serious third party candidacy from the religious right.

It’s Funny Because One Of The Three Is “My Pet Goat”

andrew — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:49:38 +0000

It’s official: The number of books Bob Woodward has written about George W. Bush’s presidency (4) now exceeds the number of books George W. Bush has read in his life.

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Robert Downey, Jr., Is Either Awesome Or A Douche Or Probably Both

andrew — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 22:43:32 +0000

This item from Gawker is pretty hilarious insofar as Downey is fantastically bitter about the acclaim heaped on The Dark Knight in comparison to Iron Man, but the conclusion bugs me:

And don’t bother warning him about possible reprisals for such loose talk. “You know, you’re never too old to burn your bridges because I believe I have offended everyone. I think I’ve got a couple more. ‘I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it’ is my favourite phrase I’ve ever coined.”

I tend to prefer “I’ll burn that bridge when I cross it” in order to thoroughly mix the metaphors, but it is indeed a great phrase. Anyway, I have a hard time believing Robert Downey, Jr., godlike though he may be, is responsible for its coining. Downey is no doubt responsible for many great things, not least among them a random trashing of DC Comics, but I’m going to need some proof before I believe he coined this phrase.